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看板 marvel
作者 angelofdeath (小宇)
標題 [翻譯] Reddit兩句短篇
時間 Fri Oct  1 00:37:39 2021

因為每一篇都超短，所以我將16篇一起PO出來
每一篇都會附上原文連結以及原作者

未經授權者，不得將文章用於各種商業用途
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1.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...hers_head_on_the_wall_knowing/
I look at my father's head on the wall, knowing that he'll finally be proud of me today. : TwoSentenceHorror 22.3k votes, 276 comments. Then I look back at the terrified hunter and sink my antlers into his chest. ...

 
Nathan_is_writing尚未回覆

我看著掛在牆上父親的頭，知道他今天會以我為榮。

再轉頭看向受到驚嚇的獵人，將角捅入他胸腔。


2.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...s_grandpa_would_weep_and_rave/
In his last days, Grandpa would weep and rave about the fires of Hell, and I wondered how such a good man could fear such a thing. : TwoSentenceHorror 21.5k votes, 268 comments. After the funeral I found the photographs, and learned for the first time that his days in Buchenwald had not been spent … ...

 
已獲得RaptureInRed同意

祖父臨死前又哭又鬧，囔囔地獄中的火有多可怕，我想不透這麼好的人怎麼會擔心入地獄
呢？

喪禮過後我翻出一些照片，才知道原來當初在布亨瓦德集中營的他並不是被關的那個。


3.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...sound_of_crickets_outside_the/
I used to hate the sound of crickets outside the lonely farmhouse. : TwoSentenceHorror 21.3k votes, 205 comments. Now every time they go silent I know that thing is passing by, and I pray for them to chirp again. ...

 
IknowKarazy尚未回覆

我原本很討厭農舍外的蟋蟀聲。

現在每當牠們安靜無聲時，我就知道那東西正經過這裡，只能祈禱著蟋蟀恢復鳴叫。


4.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH..._could_only_look_at_my_killer/
Unable to move I could only look at my killer. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.6k votes, 137 comments. In a fit of childish curiosity my two year old pulled the plug. ...

 
CottenballVonDot尚未回覆

動彈不得的我只能看著要殺我的人。

我兩歲的孩子在好奇心的驅使下拔掉了插頭。


5.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...always_got_creeped_out_by_the/
My last girlfriend always got creeped out by the 14 'weird' dolls I kept on display. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.5k votes, 341 comments. I have a new girlfriend now, and she wants me to throw out all 15 of the 'disturbingly lifelike' dolls. ...

 
已獲得abskkr24同意

我前女友總是覺得我那14個「奇怪」的娃娃很恐怖。

如今我有新女友了，而她希望我把那15個「栩栩如生到變態」的娃娃通通丟掉。


6.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...our_kids_half_an_hour_ago_sir/
“Your wife picked up your kids half an hour ago, sir.” : TwoSentenceHorror 19.3k votes, 218 comments. I rushed out so fast I didn’t tell the school that I didn’t have a wife, and I began to cry as I realized I was finally … ...

 
FurryFoxTrash68尚未回覆

「先生，你老婆半小時前就接走小孩了。」

我很快地衝出了學校，顧不及跟他們說我沒有老婆，並且開始哭了起來。我終於擺脫那些
討人厭的小鬼了。


7.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...nt_divorce_my_husband_because/
Truth be told, I didn’t divorce my husband because of the countless photos of his mistresses’ tits I found in his phone. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.2k votes, 178 comments. I divorced him because they weren’t attached to a body. ...

 
已獲得honeylemon14同意

老實說，我並不是因為老公的手機裡有無數張小三奶子的照片才跟他離婚的。

而是因為那些胸部已經不在身體上了。


8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH..._supernatural_ability_to_know/
“I’ve always had the supernatural ability to know where someone was by looking at a photo of them. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.1k votes, 308 comments. So it pained me to tell the mother of a missing child that her daughter was in several different places.” ...

 
ashersladegregory尚未回覆

「我有個超能力，看到照片就可以知道那個人在哪。」

我實在不忍心告訴這位媽媽，她走失的女兒在好幾個不同的地方。


9.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...d_when_my_beautiful_niece_was/
I was devastated when my beautiful niece was chosen as this harvest’s virgin sacrifice. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.1k votes, 406 comments. I fucking doomed us all. ...

 
PurpleAngel23尚未回覆

我崩潰了。我那美麗的姪女被選中成為今年的處女祭品。

大家被我害死了。


10.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/j5i583/thanks_for_the_gold_kind_stranger/
"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!" : TwoSentenceHorror
19.1k votes, 142 comments. I said, as I slowly ripped out his dental implant. ...

 
已獲得skeletxn同意

「感謝你的金子，善良的陌生人。」

我一邊說一邊慢慢將他的植牙扯出來。


11.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...brother_so_i_returned_him_the/
"I didn't want a baby brother, so I returned him," the girl proudly told her parents. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.0k votes, 165 comments. Outside, the marabou stork pulled flesh greedily from the small carcass lying at its feet. ...

 
normancrane

「我不想要弟弟，所以我把他退回去了。」小女孩驕傲地跟他父母說。

房外的禿鸛正貪婪地撕裂著腳下的小屍體。


12.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH..._i_found_out_my_daughter_is_a/
I was furious when I found out my daughter is a drug addict, I immediately took the drugs away and grounded her. : TwoSentenceHorror 18.9k votes, 387 comments. Doesn't she know there's no such thing as "depression" and you can find happiness in Jesus? ...

 
已獲得Max_Som同意

當我得知我女兒是癮君子的當下我憤怒極了，立刻把所有的藥都沒收，並且將她禁足。

難道她不知道根本沒有所謂的「憂鬱症」嗎？只要相信耶穌就可以獲得幸福的啊！


13.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...up_to_me_while_screaming_that/
A guy just ran up to me while screaming that somebody had locked him in a basement, blindfolded him, and starved him for days. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.8k votes, 154 comments. You should’ve seen the look of absolute horror on his face when he recognized my voice. ...

 
已獲得Roborob03同意

一名男子剛剛跑向我，喊著有人將他鎖在地下室、將他蒙上眼、餓了他好幾天。

你真該看看他認出我聲音時那驚恐的表情。


14.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...kthrowing_little_shit_from_up/
"Here comes that rock-throwing little shit from up the street," the first bird said. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.8k votes, 157 comments. "I wouldn't worry--he's only got one stone," the second bird replied. ...

 
已獲得two_sentence_critic同意

「那個亂丟石頭的死屁孩又來了，」第一隻鳥說道。

「別擔心啦，他只有一顆石頭。」第二隻鳥回答。


15.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...s_nothing_to_be_afraid_of_mom/
"Do you see now there's nothing to be afraid of?" mom asked as she emerged from my closet. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.6k votes, 192 comments. "Yes mommy," I lied, noticing her mole was now on the left. ...

 
pandajedi尚未回覆

「你看，沒什麼好怕的吧？」媽媽從衣櫥走出來時說道。

「好的，馬麻。」我說謊了，因為她臉上的痣跑到左邊了。


16.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...ces_you_dont_worry_there_is_a/
If the thing notices you, don't worry, there is a gun in the backpack in the kitchen. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.6k votes, 348 comments. However it only has one bullet, so make sure to aim for your forehead , just to be sure. ...

 
已獲得memeaddict69reeee同意

如果那東西發現到你，別擔心，廚房內的後背包裡有槍。

但是只有一發子彈。所以最好往自己的前額開槍，以防萬一。

---------------------------------------------
為了讓語句通順，有做些小修改。
一樣要感謝LEEPACE大大幫我校稿!


來一些翻譯完的mumur，把內容看過一遍後發現一堆根本不marvel阿ORZ
不管啦，都已經翻譯了(欸

有些根本就是人怖，像是憂鬱症那篇。對啦，不知足才會得憂鬱症啦！
(這是反諷，我絕對沒有這麼認為)
有些是黑色幽默，像是一石二鳥那篇。

然後最後一篇的底下留言讓我長知識了。
有人提到說如果想快速了結自己生命千萬不要選擇從前額開一槍，
因為額頭是頭顱最堅硬的地方，因此開下去可能會反彈偏掉。

不確定是否有人翻譯過了，但沒關係再看一遍吧XD
一樣希望大家看完可以給點回饋，讓我知道大家比較喜歡哪類，之後會多翻翻。

--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 1.173.1.94 (臺灣)
※ 文章代碼(AID): #1XLUVhlo (marvel)
※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/marvel/M.1633019883.A.BF2.html
推 yu800910: 推1F 10/01 00:52
推 a2396494: 有的有點好笑哈哈2F 10/01 00:57
噓 pearl1215: 看不懂43F 10/01 01:18
推 Melissazan: 4應該是他戴著生命維持器之類的4F 10/01 01:21
推 IBERIC: 推5F 10/01 01:46
推 b151063124: 14什麼意思6F 10/01 01:57
推 duoCindy: 推，不過鳥那篇不懂，只有一顆石頭所以只能丟一隻鳥然後呢？7F 10/01 01:59
推 flowernini: 15是什麼意思？9F 10/01 02:06
推 duncan1208: 9我看不懂耶，誰可以解釋一下
15的意思應該是走出來的媽媽是不同人了，小孩因為害怕所以說謊。10F 10/01 02:07
推 z6665598: 9是他讓姪女失貞使獻祭無效
15是衣櫃出來的不是他媽
鳥的我也看不懂13F 10/01 02:12
推 spinachss: 6看不懂，為何終於擺脫小孩然後還要哭著跑出去？16F 10/01 02:23
推 hcl1007: 6是不是快樂倒哭出來哈哈哈哈哈17F 10/01 02:24
推 sonokage: 鳥就是諺語呀，一石二鳥18F 10/01 02:25
推 TRosenthal: 9笑死19F 10/01 02:37
推 energyy1104: 9是笑話吧 快笑死20F 10/01 04:36
推 sirakuma: 被9戳到笑點XD21F 10/01 04:38
推 b95202075: 有幾個很經典22F 10/01 05:03
推 Electricfish: 推翻譯23F 10/01 07:09
推 ifwhat: 鳥應該是只有一個會被犧牲吧24F 10/01 07:34
推 raura: 6是喜極而泣25F 10/01 07:48
推 fatcung: 6改成老婆半小時「前」就接走，應該比較好懂26F 10/01 09:15
感謝! 我漏打了XDD
推 Gwaewluin: 以前有本外科醫生寫的書，作者說曾遇過一個人拿槍對自己額頭開槍後，帶著有傷口的後腦意識清楚被送進醫院，後來檢查的結果是那人的額骨比較厚一點再加上角度的關係，讓子彈在頭皮底下從額頭沿著顱骨一路跑到後腦才跑頭皮來，另外作者也有說要自殺就不要對著太陽穴開槍，因為那裏有塊很硬的骨頭容易卡住子彈，只會感覺像被拳擊手打一拳而已，作者也曾對朝太陽穴開槍自殺但子彈被骨頭卡住的人解釋這裏是急診室而讓對方很失落，然後再送他去精神科27F 10/01 09:24
長知識了!!
推 mayii1020: 都還不錯36F 10/01 09:47
推 IVAN1999: 6是小孩被陌生人拐走了，但爸爸其實很討厭小孩，所以喜極而泣37F 10/01 10:11
推 crazy60p: 之所以有"吞槍自殺"的講法, 就是其中一種最穩的射殺自己方法, 是口含槍管然後往斜上開槍, 保證子彈不會撞骨頭,而是從口腔內直達延髓以至腦袋, 確實造成致命破壞39F 10/01 10:27
為什麼大家對於這方面知識這麼多啦XD
推 xxxxx919: 原本看不懂鳥，感謝一石二鳥的解說哈哈42F 10/01 11:06
推 louner: 推943F 10/01 11:55
推 jplo: 7 乳房整形外科醫師表示：這只是我要讓客人選的型錄啦44F 10/01 12:21
阿哈哈哈哈這個理由可以欸XDD
※ 編輯: angelofdeath (1.172.141.67 臺灣), 10/01/2021 12:44:04
推 windwing: 謝謝翻譯 好看45F 10/01 12:59
推 mamajustgo: 搭配推文更棒了XD46F 10/01 13:44
推 Srown: 推47F 10/01 14:11
推 wildcat5566: 第一個好哀傷 鹿鹿QQ48F 10/01 14:29
推 Xenehp: 推49F 10/01 15:13
推 lanagrass: 推文補充的比較恐怖XD50F 10/01 17:08
推 tytt: 推51F 10/01 17:27
推 yayahahaha: 推
超愛短篇系列52F 10/01 18:31
推 aho6204: 推54F 10/01 19:07
推 NewCop: 如果不敢（？）吞槍的話，另一個方法是抵住下顎開槍，成功率也很高55F 10/01 19:31
推 yjeu: 感謝翻譯推57F 10/01 20:20
推 Yueren: 推58F 10/01 22:22
推 hsiantinc: 推59F 10/01 22:25
推 crimson11: 有趣60F 10/01 22:41
推 adidas168: 推61F 10/02 00:44
推 rojita9746: 有趣62F 10/02 00:46
推 vkq: 推63F 10/02 03:12

--
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