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【更新】


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看了整件事情覺得心情很複雜
譚德塞的新聞在台灣雖然是人人皆知
但說真的在國外其實沒什麼人知道(講白一點就是美國人其實不太在意
我欣賞台灣人維護自己民族自尊心的本意
看到譚德塞的新聞我也是怒火攻心
但我覺得在紐時頭版「吵架」對台灣可能不會是一件加分的事情

我認為如果真的要刊登
重點不應該是擺在反駁譚德塞
而是該擺在為何世界需要台灣，為何台灣應該要被納入國際性組織
畢竟其他國家也不是笨蛋，他們也知道WHO的失職之處
導正視聽是好事，但我認為我們真的也不需要花費過多的版面去回擊對方來降低自己的格
調，而是應該好好把握這次可以行銷台灣的機會

大方向來說，我認為這篇有幾個比較明顯的地方可能值得修正
1. 語意上和文字上的累贅
2. 文中有許多詭異的轉折與承接，過於台式英文
3. 文中自稱台灣是個success story實在是不妥，畢竟美國現在民不聊生
美國人看到這種別的國家展現優越感的文章心情大概也不會好...
4. 宣傳台灣過去貢獻時應該要能給出實際數據，才比較具有公信力
5. 要刊登文章可以，但文章本身必須言簡意賅，有人建議放個醒目
   的Taiwan can help我也覺得值得考慮

我不敢說我英文作文有多好
但過去撰寫期刊論文的經驗應該多少可以提供一點insights
我也認為台灣一定可以找到更多英文接近母語人士，同時具備公關與外交手段的人才
能夠寫出更好的文章

以下就文章本身分享一些意見

: Taiwan can help. Taiwan is helping.
: To Mr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, Director-General of the World Health
: Organization,
: As you are reading this, with tens of millions of people around the world
: fighting the pandemic at the cost of their lives and freedom, it is regretta
bl
: that the WHO, under your leadership, has not stopped the flow of misinformat
io
雖然不影響理解，但英文寫作很不推薦的一件事就是單一句子過於冗長
把原句斷成下方兩句可能可以稍微改進:
As you are reading this, there are tens of millions of people around the
world fighting the pandedmic at the cost of their lives and freedom. It is
regrettable that ...

: On April 9, you made public remarks with a
: scathing tone, attacking Taiwan, our country, a success story fighting
: coronavirus.
我認為是不是scathing tone 應該公眾去評斷
在這裡指責對方除了有失高度之外，可能也會讓人有種小學生吵架的感覺...
如前所述，自稱success story的優越感容易造成對方反感

: You claimed that in the past three months, Taiwan has been attacking you. Bu
t
: the truth is, Taiwan is a partner of your hometown, Ethiopia, where Taiwan
: provides medical missions, water resources, and continued support for women
an
: children's rights and food security. Taiwanese have raised money for student
s
: from Ethiopia to receive medical treatment, and Taiwanese businesses have ev
en
: sponsored tens of thousands of children in Ethiopia, hoping that Ethiopia an
d
: Taiwan can work together for a better future.
這段用字值得再多做修飾
除了應該要提供數據(例如募了多少錢)以外，應該要用更具體的事實說話
與其用work together for a better future這種籠統的句子(大概高中作文才會看到
不如具體說明台灣如何幫助伊索比亞的孩童(例如協助興建多少間學校等等)
在美國報章雜誌應該鮮少會籠統的句子
原文作者可能需要下更多功夫去深入研究台灣對衣索比亞的貢獻


: While we have been standing with your country, you chose to adopt an opposit
e
: attitude towards our country. You accused Taiwan of organizing a cyberattack
: that lasted three months, yet you ignored the warnings Taiwan sent to the WH
O
: about the outbreak as early as in late December 2019.
這兩句大概是整篇文章裡面比較生硬的兩句
文法上嚴格來說並沒有錯，但語意上來說不太通順
尤其是在yet的使用，yet前後銜接的兩句語意上必須相對
但accused Taiwan ... 和 ignored the warnings ...語意上並非相對
所以yet用在這裡其實有些詭異
僅僅拆成兩句修飾可能會比原文通順些


: Taiwan launched various forms of innovative preventive measures in January a
nd
: now serves as a good reference for officials in countries including New Zeal
an
: and the United States. We believe we can provide the help the world needs, a
nd
: even though the WHO has not even given Taiwan the right to participate in an
y
: way, we have taken the initiative to contribute to the world.
1. we can provide the help the world needs --> 贅字
2. and even though ... has not "even" ... --> 贅字
3. 這裡的口吻像是在說台灣「以德報怨」，但與其這樣寫，不如寫說「有鑑於台灣過去
   對世界的貢獻，台灣應該被納入國際組織」

: If you've been watching the news, we've just donated 10 million (actually
: usable) masks to the world, after meeting the needs of our own people. And w
e
: are ready to deliver the next batch.
直接說台灣捐了一千萬個口罩就好，其實不需要再加上一句If you've been watching th
e news
正式場合適合用簡單的直述句來描述事實
這句會讓整段看起來太過口語，比較像是兩個人口頭爭論會說的話
after meeting the needs of our own people也不需要，畢竟美國人真的不會在乎你是
不是有先滿足國內的需求..
(雖然這句看起來比較像是給台灣人看的...)


: The world is extremely confused about you and the organization you serve, an
d
: Taiwan is as confused. Perhaps, the organization is rather slow in suppressi
ng
: the pandemic, but if you can insist on communicating the truth, you can stop
: the proliferation of disinformation.
我認為隨意替世界上其他國家代表發言是一件很危險的事情
extremely其實也是贅字，有沒有加不會差太多
後面的and Taiwan is as confused也是稍顯累贅...

而這段另外一個轉折生硬的地方在於：
the organization is rather slow in suppressing the pandemic 和 but後方的句子
句意上其實並非相對，看起來像是從中文直翻會得到的結果
proliferation of disinformation也滿怪，換成spreading可能還比較好
畢竟proliferation有大量而迅速產生的意思，但我猜原文意思是在表達不實資訊的擴散
(順帶一提nuclear proliferation雖然翻作核子擴散，但其實就是核武被大量生產，
而非像是資訊傳播的那種擴散)


: Please stop oppressing Taiwan, which is reaching out to the world, and all
: other vulnerable people. The WHO should play the role of a fair judge in the
: face of the world's doubts about China’s untruthful report of the domestic
: developments of COVID-19.
第一句文法上沒錯，which可能指涉的對象本來就又可能有兩個，一個是Taiwan，另一個
是
oppressing Taiwan，這裡語意上來看當然是前者，但應該要避免這種寫法
reaching out to the world and all other vulnerable people也是籠統（跟前面的wor
k together for a better future一樣

: Please take Taiwan seriously. Taiwan is a reliable helper and the Taiwanese
: people are helping every friend worldwide who values human rights and shares
: the same values as we do. Over the past few decades, Taiwan has been part of
: the neglect, oppression and exclusion, and over the years, we have grown and
: thrived amidst discrimination and painful lessons, including the SARS epidem
ic
: that spread in Taiwan 17 years ago.
Taiwan is a reliable helper and the Taiwanese people are helping every friend
..在語意上十分累贅 Over the past few decades也是贅字，一般都直接寫in the past
decades後面在同一句中又來了over the years真的也是廢話到不行...(neglect 和
exclusion，grown 和 thrived又是一坨贅字(乾我快看不下去)

: Taiwan is not a big country, but it still stands tall and does its part for
th
: world. Please let us help, in the face of the pandemic. There is no reason f
or
: us, who are lending a helping hand, to be excluded from international
: organizations. As all mankind is fighting against this pandemic of the centu
ry
: the world and Taiwan need to stand strong on the battlefield together.
: Taiwan can help. Taiwan is helping.
The reason for us to be excluded很怪，一般會使用主動語態There is no reason
for you to exclude ... 雖然這兩個方式語意上其實不完全相同
如果真的想用以強調語氣，改成By all means, Taiwan should not be excluded ...在
語意上應該比較通順

不是說阿滴的英文不好，我也喜歡他愛台灣的熱情
但公開信內容也的確缺乏公關/外交的手段

雖然主題不太一樣，但其口吻還是明顯專業許多，也比較貼近外國記者的文筆

我是覺得反正四百萬都要花下去了，難道大家的期望就這麼低嗎
不是期待他要能寫出像麥克阿瑟為子祈禱文依樣驚天地泣鬼神
但如果連我這種路人都可以挑毛病，也代表公開信不應該是由他來寫

整體來說，除了文章本身的英文還有很大修正空間
內容來看也像是小學生在國際版面鬥嘴，還帶著容易使他人反感的優越感
大家真的覺得這種文章刊出去會是加分嗎
看到公開信的內容其實蠻失望的
覺得很可惜很不想被代表(抱歉忍不住強調第二次QQ)

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