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太無聊打成文字版 ...

稍微潤飾一下翻譯，

翻譯有誤、或用字遣詞不恰當請來信告知 XD

※ 引述《thankmilk (胃乳)》之銘言：
: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR6Y6E6PBsw
: 看這點閱數
: 應該沒OP
: OP的話
: 就OP吧

A: what is going on with Neha?
嘿你和Neha 怎了？

B: Why ? what happen ?
什麼？什麼怎了？

A: she had come in the moring.
她早上來過這裡。

B: What did she say?
她說了什麼？

A: That you are not talking to her. What is your problem ?
就你都沒有和她說話。你們有什麼問題？

B:
Problem ? Problem is that she is a girl and nothing else.
Problem is I wish there shouldn't be any problem in my life.
But if there's no problem in my life this becomes a biggest problem to her!
Why she is worried ? She has to celebrate because this is exactly what she
wants.

問題？問題就是因為她是女人，沒了！
問題當然是我希望我自己沒有事，可是我好好的沒事，對她而言卻是天大的事！
她有什麼好擔心的？她怎不放鞭炮！這根本就是她想要的呀！

Seriously, these days when she open her mouth to talk fell like stuffing
something into her mouth!
Trust me, I had it all in six months I've seen everything.
What love? What relationship? And What happiness?
Relationship means enter into it with your own happiness.
After that all you have to worry about is her happiness, her birthday, her
dog's birthday, Her New Year.. even you have a NEW YEAR.

說真的，這段時間來，每當她開口時... 我超想拿東西堵住她的嘴啊啊啊！
相信我，這六個月來我已經受夠了，我什麼都見識過了！
還奢談什麼愛情？戀愛？幸福？
戀愛應該就是你帶著自己的幸福過去，但當那之後就只能為她鞠躬盡瘁了！
比方說她的生日啦、她狗的生日啦、她的新年 ... 就連你他媽的都有個新年了！

No one can make these girls happy. A happy woman is a myth.
For instance, Batman's girlfriend until he didn't become Batman, she kept
saying "You don't do anything. You are useless. You are impotent. How can I
stay with a man like you?"
Poor guy became Batman that day she said " You became Batman? I wanted to be
with a normal man. How can I stay with you?"

沒有人可以讓女孩開心。快樂的女孩根本就是都市奇談才會出現的呀！
讓我舉個例子，當蝙蝠俠不是蝙蝠俠時，他女友會一直說：
"你一事無成、你是廢物、你*無能。我怎會和你在一起啊啊啊！"
當可憐蟲成為蝙蝠俠後，當天她女友又說啦：
"你怎會是蝙蝠俠？我只想要普普通通的普通人啦！我怎會和你在一起啊啊啊！"

The entire fault is of stories ...Bloody Bollywood romantic spices.
A girl and a guy falls in love. They both stay together. The movie ends. No
one tells the story after this.

這一切的錯都是那該死的寶來屋愛情電影的錯。
當一個女孩和男孩墜入愛河時，他們終於在一起了。
然後在電影結束後，根本沒有人告訴你這之後是怎樣。

I'll tell you the story after that.
If the guy doesn't hug the girl two days there's a problem.
If he hugs her, she says "You are cheap."
This too much.

好沒關係，讓我來告訴你之後是怎樣。
如果男的兩天沒有抱女孩，那他就死 定 啦！
但如果他抱了她，她就會說：哼你很膚淺耶！
這些都是什麼鳥事呀？

They don't get tired from shopping.
First cushions and now curtains.
Cushions didn't match the curtains, so she bought more cushions.
I have so many mugs that if I sell them.
I can bear my life for a month!
She goes to buy something and buys something else.
She will irritate me for two weeks saying she wants to buy a table.
She spent 5 hours in the mall and bought dirty slippers.
Again start irritating that she needs to buy a table.

還有她們逛街購物都不會喊累的！
之前是椅墊、現在是簾子，可是買來的椅墊和簾子不搭，所以她又買了更多的椅墊回來！
我現在杯子多到都可以拿去賣了，誇張的是賣的錢多到可以讓我過一個月了！

於是她花了五小時在購物物中買了雙  爛  拖  鞋，

接著她又開始煩我說她需要張  桌  子－－！

I am working in the office and she calls.
As soon as I answer the phone, I tell her I cannot talk to her.
IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND?
"What will happen if you talk to me for two minutes?"
If I talk to you for two minutes, what will you gain ?
I won't be able to talk to you properly.
Then if I disconnect the phone without saying "I love you", she starts her
melodrama.
This mobile phone has irritated me a lot.
It has made my life miserable.
It's like a noose to me.

當我在工作時，她打來了。我很快地回應她：我現在不能接電話。

這 他 媽 的 有 很 難 懂 嗎 ？

"蛤~~ 你和我講兩分鐘電話是會怎樣逆？"
但我和你講了兩分鐘電話，又能怎樣？兩分鐘我又沒辦法好好和你談情說愛啊！

If the price is less, how much can a person talk?
Answer them for this.
"You can't talk to me. You've lost interest in me."
"If you didn't want to talk, why did I call you?"
Oh mother, how would I know why you called me ?
Go and question Bharti Mittal!!!

你有沒有看過那則手機廣告？一秒一帕薩，一路打到掛！
如果這價格在更低，啊不就會講到死？
但我告訴你，如果你這樣直接和她們說：
"吼!!你都不和我講電話。你一定是對我沒興趣！如果你都不說話，我幹嘛打給你！"
他媽的，我怎會知道你幹嘛打給我呀啊啊啊啊？
你去問中華電信呀呀呀呀呀呀！
（按：Bharti Mittal是印度最大手機通訊的董事）

I am telling you, it is not a dog, but a bitch in the ad.
Seriously, I can bet on it.
"Wherever you go, we follow"

我告訴你！真的，我發誓！那廣告裡面的一定是狗，並且一定是母的！
"浪跡天涯，如影隨形"

What do you think?
Columbus didn't know he was coming to India and he came her accidentally?
No, he knew about it.
That poor man wanted to go somewhere far.
He had to tell his wife that he's going to India OR she would've questioned
him:
"Where are you going? Why are you going? Really? Don't you know where you are
going? Why don't you tell me clearly, you are going away from me? "
Till today the people of the world make fun of that poor guy.

還有你覺得呢？
你知道為什麼：哥倫布當初明明就不是到印度，那為什麼還應硬要說是印度呢？
我告訴你！那是因為他懂女人！
這可憐蟲想要離開得遠遠的，如果他不告訴她老婆說她去印度，她一定又會問:
"蛤? 你要去哪呀？ 你幹嘛去啊？ 喔~~真的嗎？ 難道你真的不知道你是去哪嗎~~？
為什麼你都不直接告訴我去哪呀？你難道就這麼想要離開我逆？"
我告訴你，直到今天大家還是在調笑這位妻管嚴！

I am working in the office, I get a SMS which says "I love you"
So, I reply to her "I love you too".
Then I keep getting SMS one after other.
WHAT WORK DOES SHE DO IN THE OFFICE?
if i don't reply for two SMSs. I get a call immediately.
If you don't answer the phone, you get a message in 10minutes:
"I don't think it is working anymore."
In 10mns it goes from "Babu, I love you" to "It's not working anymore."
This is when they are not even down.
Now I know why men die of heart attack and why are gays so successful.
Because they don't have woman to ruin their happiness.

我在辦公室工作，我收到簡訊寫: "我愛你>_<"
好，於是我回她: "我也愛你^Q^"
然後我就沒完沒了了啊啊啊，
她 上 個 鳥 班 嗎？

好，如果我兩則簡訊沒有回她，我馬上會接到電話，接著如果你沒有接到，
你將在十分鐘內收到簡訊: "我覺得我們不適合........."
為什麼她媽的可以在十分鐘內從 "我愛你" 直接跳到 "我覺得我們不適合" 呀??有病呀！

好沒關係，這不是最慘的。
我現在終於了解為何男人總是死於心臟病，而同志大發利市。
因為他們都不需要女人來惡搞他們的幸福啊啊！

People say: "Behind every successful man there's a woman."
TRUE but no one says that: "Behind every unsuccessful man there is also a
woman."
Anybody can say that unsuccessful people are more in quntity than successful
people in this world.

人們總是說: "成功的男人背後有一位女人。"
當然，我認同。
但是沒有人說："失敗的男人背後也是有一位女人。"

不管任何人都知道失敗的人數都比成功的人多呀！

I am working in the office.
I tell her, I'll be late.
She won't have her food. She'll go to sleep hungry.
If I tell her to eat, it is a problem. Shall I quit my job?
GO HOME? APPEASE them? Make them have their food.
Doing all this, one doesn't feel hungry.

我現在在工作，我告訴她我會晚點回家。
然後她就不吃飯了！她就直接餓肚子睡覺！
但是如果我告訴她要吃飯，那又是個問題啦！難道是要我辭職嗎？
回家？安慰？讓她乖乖吃飯？每件事情做下來我就飽了啊！吃啥飯呀！

Even after doing all this, if the person is sitting in a corner peacefully
then she comes asking: "What are you thinking?"
"What are you thinking?"
"What are you thinking?"
OH GOD, I am not thinking anything.
I am thinking how do I shut your mouth!?
What are you thinking? Tell her to place a camera in my head.

OK, 縱使我所有的事情都做了，然後一個人靜靜的、很安和的待在那，
然後她就會砰通砰通的過來問：

"你在想什麼呢~~~~~?"

"你現在正想什麼呢~~~~~~~~~~~~~~?"

"你現在到底在想什麼呢~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~?"

我的天啊啊啊啊啊，我就是放空呀！
我告訴你，我現在正在想我倒底是要怎麼塞住你的嘴讓你閉嘴啊啊啊啊啊！
你正在想什麼呢？告訴她，妳直接放台針孔在我腦袋裡算了!!!

After all this, we never talk.
"We need to talk. "
"We need to talk. "
"I don't think it's working anymore."

總之在這之後，我們都沉默了。

"我們需要溝通。"
"我們需要交流。"
"我想我們可能還是不適合QQ"

I am telling you. You cannot discuss anything with a woman.
Because they call it a discussion but any discussion with a woman is an
argument
Boss, you can't win them in an argument.
Because we men have a basic need to make sense in an argument.
It makes no differencce to the girls.
Why should she lose the argument for useless things?
They won't argue for today's matter. They'll fight about this matter after
two monthes.
One doesn't even remember what had happened two monthes back.
Girls remember it. This is not a small weapon but a big one.
We'll use this point in a bigger argument.

我告訴你，你從來不能和女人討論事情。
因為你雖然稱呼他們會"討論"，但是他們從來認為你在"吵架"。
嘿老兄，和女人吵架你會輸的。

那是因為，當我們男人在吵架時，我們最基本的就是認為自己有道理。
但女人根本不會和你在乎這些呀！
她們怎會因為那些東西和你吵輸呢？

而且呀，女人和你吵架，他們從來不會和你吵現在的東西呀！
她們會在兩個月後再和你戰鬥呀！
媽的誰會記得兩個月前發生什麼事呀！
但，女人會，而且這對她們還是最有利的大規模毀滅性武器啊！
她們會用這些來和你擴大戰果呀！

Try to prove that you are right, you would feel that you would surely prove
with this point.
Then you'll hear her say: "DON'T POINT YOUR FINGER AT ME."
You wouldn't have noticed that your innocent finger is pointing towards them.
Suddenly the whole argument will flush down the gutter and the topic will be
"How dare you point a finger at me?"
Who mad this rule? Who mad it ?

當我們在證明自己是對的時候，我們都會先認為自己是對的。
但是你會聽到她們說: "不要將你的手指頭對著我!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
喔天呀，我他媽的無辜都不知道這手指頭指到她了。
接著你整場論點都會付諸流水，然後主題就變成:
"  你  他  媽  的  怎  有  種  指  著  我  ？"
這規則誰定的？到底是誰定的？

If they throw a shoe at you in that argument that's nothing.
But if you just point your finger at them the matter ends.
She's right and you are wrong.

如果吵架吵到一半，她們把鞋子拿起來丟你，
那 根 本 沒 什 麼

因為最嚴重的是，你用手指指著她啊啊啊啊
她是對的，而你，是錯的！

Why do they play serpent beats before the wedding?
Because even the drummer is giving you an indication as who's coming into
your life.
It's their signature tune.

你知道為什麼我們結婚前，要演奏蛇舞讓她們表演嗎？
因為那些打鼓的，邊打奏樂器邊憐憫的各訴你，是一些什麼東西直接進入你的生活！
那就是她們的主題曲！

You tell me, why did she come here? If I do the same?
If I call her friend and share my problems with her?
She would say: "You called my friend? You wnat to gain their sympathy? Why
don't you go and sleep with her?"

你告訴我，她是為什麼過來？如果我和她做一樣的事情呢？
如果我打給她朋友，分享我和她的事情呢？
我告訴你她會說：
"哦哦? 你打給我朋友?? 你想要得到他們的同情?? 你怎不乾脆和她們上床呀你!!!!"

It's ridiculous , pal
這些都是太荒謬了！

A: auh... The finger thing, it had happened with me too.
呃 ......... 關於手指的事情 ... 我也曾經發生過。

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◆ From: 118.168.184.250
※ 編輯: zeSil           來自: 61.60.220.61         (12/29 21:23)

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