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TOP 50 JOKES OF ALL TIME
1.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on,
                I'll hold your monkey for you.''
一位婦人帶著她的寶寶搭公車。
公車司機說：哇哩哭么！這真是我有史以來見過最醜的嬰兒！
這位婦人就走到公車後排座位坐下，心裡很火。
她對著坐她隔壁的男士說：這司機剛剛罵我！
她隔壁的男士就說：妳應該回去找他把話講清楚。去吧！我會幫妳照顧妳的小猴子。

2.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a
shitzu.
某天我去參觀動物園，結果動物園裡面只有一隻狗，一隻貴死人的西施犬。
(在美國犬類協會裡，西施狗是"非常~~~~"花錢的冠軍品種....)

3.
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
有閱讀障礙的男人總是朝華歌爾專賣店方向移動。
(把 Bra 看成 Bar)

4.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day
she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs
the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging
and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds
to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
有個金髮少婦因為害怕老公偷吃到快要抓狂，所以就跑去槍店買了把槍。
隔天她回到家就看到自家老公和個紅髮女人一起躺在床上。
於是她拿出手槍對著自己的頭要自殺。
這位先生急著跳下床哀求她懇求她千萬不要想不開。
金髮少婦歇斯底里地說：給我閉嘴！很快就換你了！

5.
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?''
He said, ''How flexible are you?''
I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays''.
我對體操教練說：可以請你教我劈腿嗎？
他問：妳的彈性(時間)如何？
我答：禮拜二都沒空。

6.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
警方逮捕了兩個屁孩，一個喝了電瓶溶液，另一個吞了一些鞭炮。
於是警方幫一個充電(起訴)然後把另一個點火炸了(釋放)。

7.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
有兩組天線在屋頂相遇，墜入愛河，然後結婚了。
它們的結婚典禮慘不忍睹，偏偏禮金收到手軟。
(暗喻某些糟糕新人的婚宴根本詐騙集團XDDD)

8.
Another one was:  Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass ofHome'.
He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.
'Is it common?'I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.
曾經某個鄉民說：醫生，我老是不停地唱 Green Green Grass of Home這首芭樂歌。
他說：聽起來像是 Tom Jones 併發症。
我問：這算正常嗎？
他答：不能算異常啦。
(哭爸的又在騙錢)

9.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
我現在正在進行威士忌減肥法：顯然我又減掉三天的時間。

12.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed,
I never knew they worked.
我岳母掉進許願井的時候我被嚇了一大跳，我從沒想過原來我的願望會被實現。
(好酸.....)

15.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says
''How do you drive this thing?''
有兩條魚生活在同一個水箱裡，其中一條魚說：你平常是怎麼開坦克車的？
(tank雙關語)

16.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
有一天我跑去雜貨店想買一些迷彩服卻一件也找不到。
(這也太迷彩了吧？！)

17.
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said:
"I love the simple things in life,but I don't want one of them for my husband".
當 Susan 的男朋友向她求婚的時候，她說：我喜愛生活中各種單純的東西，只是我不希望我的男朋友也是其中之一。
(快滾吧！腦筋單純的蠢貨！)

18.
''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.''
我的臨床醫師說我對於報仇這件事的看法並不正確，我想我們馬上就會知道怎麼回事。
(患者：嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿！)

19.
I rang up British Telecom,
I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'',
he said ''Not you again''.
我打電話給英國電信公司說：我要檢舉一個愛打惡意電話的人
對方說：怎麼又是你。
(怎樣？有意見咻？狂叩ing~)

20.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week,
phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

(暗酸身高太高)


.......以下部份努力中...........

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◆ From: 111.250.11.66
感謝糾正(其實我自己也覺得自己翻譯得怪怪的...)
※ 編輯: Refauth         來自: 111.250.11.66        (06/02 19:36)
※ 編輯: Refauth         來自: 111.250.11.66        (06/02 20:25)
※ 編輯: Refauth         來自: 111.250.11.66        (06/02 20:30)

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